30 Ways To Annoy Temari
by HarvestMoonRacoon
Summary: Yeah, I know. It's not as funny as it should be.


**Author's Note: I'm too lazy to type an Author's Note. Bah humbug.**

_**30 Ways To Annoy Temari**_

1. Pair her with Karasu in fanfiction.

2. Sing "The Pied Piper Of Hamlin" at 3:30 a.m.

3. Tie a rope around Gaara's neck, climb onto his back, and make him run down the hall towards her while you scream "YEEEEEEEEE-HAWW!!!"

4. Buy a bucket of squid from the local Tackle store, and tie it to her fan for discovery during her next training session.

5. Tap her on the shoulder one morning and whisper in her ear, "Gaara and Rock Lee are in a relationship.".

6. Dress as a banana and follow her through the streets of Hidden Sand.

7. Glue your shoes to the ceiling of a room. When she enters the room, lie down on the floor moaning, and rub the top of your head.

8. Watch 'Oban Star Racers' at the top volume the TV will let it.

9. Send Shikamaru pictures of her sleeping.

10. And Photoshop drool in the corners of her mouth.

11. Let Gaara watch "Masterpiece Theatre", which is basically guys in tights whining about their loves lives and chucking old plates at butler's heads.

12. Hug her.

13. Tightly.

14. Sing 'Dance, Dance' by FallOut Boy until it's stuck on her head.

15. If the family dares venture into a restaurant together for a meal, stand on the table with a bowl of pasta over your head and scream "IIIII'M NOT WEARINGS PANTS TO-DAAAY!!".

16. Create an Elvis suit, tassels and fringes and all, and wear it with platform shoes when you all go walking through the village.

17. Send a letter to Zabuza, declaring her love for him.

18. Get Kankuro a book of the world's stupidest knock-knock jokes, and make him read them at the dinner table.

19. Put a moldy avocado in her shoe just before she puts it on.

20. Buy a National Enquirer magazine, and follow her around reading excerpts of it aloud with wide, terrified eyes.

21. Fingerpaint kitties and puppies, rainbows and birdies in all sorts of colors… All over her bedroom.

22. Dress up as a Pikachu trainer, and chase after random villagers with a chainsaw.

23. Get a transcript of the Opera episode where she interviews the baby killer. Watch it constantly.

24. Buy a stuffed deer, and, narrating the sound effects with your mouth, make it follow Temari around at all times.

25. Convince Kankuro to stand on the kitchen table and sing his own version of 'Ridin' Dirty'.

26. On second thought, make it Weird Al's 'White And Nerdy'.

27. Hide all of her hair scrunchies, forcing her to wear her hair out of it's usual four ponytails.

28. Drive a lawnmower up and down the halls of the Kazekage's Office.

29. Scream "ASPARAGUS!", and throw a handful of it at her head.

30. Line up Bavarian Crème Donuts in the hallway of their house. Get a bicycle, and ride down the line.

**Temari's Reaction:**

"Temari-Chan.. Who'd that?" came the voice of the Sand kunoichi's youngest brother. A rumpled head of red hair poked itself up from between the cushions of the couch he'd fallen asleep on. Eyes bleary with sleep, Gaara blinked at the blinding porch light as Temari hurriedly conversed with an obviously hysterical person at the door.

"- And you came all the way to Suna to ask me to help you kill some teenaged fan girl?" Temari asked at length, glaring at the Leaf nin she'd nearly killed in a Chuunin exam once.

"Temari. She almost. Made Lee. Kiss me. Now, don't you want to murder her for that?" Tenten asked flatly, while Neji supported Lee on one shoulder, who was still sobbing from being slapped in "30 Ways To Make Tenten Cram Kunai Down Your Throat".

"Any other time, yes. At 3 a.m, no." Temari answered flatly.

"But-" she interrupted, seeing Tenten about to go off on her.

"I _do_ have someone I think can help you."

With this, Temari turned to their house's blond visitor, who had awoken with the commotion and was staring at her through a widened, sleep-crusted aqua eye.

"Deidara, there's some girl here who wants to kill HarvestMoonRacoon, too. Isn't that why you needed a place to stay- You were off to murder that girl, too?-"

"Perfect." Tenten snarled, rubbing her hands together as Deidara grinned in affirmation of his desire to do away with the troublesome author.

HarvestMoonRaccon, fear for your life with the next set of annoyance fanfictions…

**A/N: Yes, I know. But, I'm tired, sick, and want reviews.**


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